My mom used to always say that the only place she could truly be alone was the bathroom, and when we were toddlers, she didn't even have that. I have to say...I know how she feels. I love being a mom. It's definitely my biggest achievement in life so far. I feel like graduating college or holding a good job is nothing compared to having the patience of a mother. And I am definitely not a perfect one. But I try my hardest to be a good one.There are so many fantastic, breath-taking moments with Klaeyton, but there are also the ones where I want to rip my hair out and crawl under a rock.
I know my pregnancy hormones aren't always a great add-in to the mix of motherly responsibilities, but even without them, I know my little bundle of joy has the ability to bounce on even the strongest nerve. Today, he did just that.
Some toddlers throw tantrums, which Klaeyton does occasionally, but he's infamous for whining. And today, I think he did more whining than breathing. It was all whine, whine, whine and in between those whines was "mommy" "mommy" as he needed every possible bit of my attention, and when he doesn't get it right that second, it's lets hit mommy or throw my truck across the room. Or hey lets even hit the dog so she'll turn around and look at me. I know that children will do anything to get attention (even if it's bad attention) if that's what they're craving, but my child doesn't just crave it, he's addicted to it. Because believe me he's definitely not attention neglected.
Bedtime was a disaster. Klaeyton insisted on crying for almost thirty minutes before I went in and attempted to console him from outside the crib. I refused to pick him up. I got him some water and gave him his dog and blanket...again (as we do all of this the first time around). And as I stared into his sobbing face it broke my heart to see him so sad, just wanting me to hold him, but for the first time, I also couldn't help feeling a little peeved, as I just wanted that little bit of "me" time I get when he goes to bed...before I ultimately crash due to those damned hormones.
Of course when I did leave the room this time around, he stopped crying shortly after, but I couldn't help but feel so guilty. I cherish every moment I have with Klaeyton, and I can accept that things won't always be rosy, that there will be days like today, but ultimately I know that I am blessed to be a mother and I am thankful for that.
Oh the joy of being an ordinary mom.