I sat down ready to write my heart out and I have to admit it's hard to concentrate with a screaming toddler in the background who refuses to go to bed. I'm trying though. I'm not giving up on keeping him in his bed, it's just those brief moments of weakness that bring all the progress crashing down. Ahh and the screaming ceases.
I sat with Klaeyton reading books tonight and felt like I haven't really seen him the last couple days. It was nice to snuggle him. I've been getting a lot done for work and he's been spending a lot of time with my parents so that I could spend some time with Katie. She's still in a lot of pain and it's absolutely terrible to witness. I can't imagine being in my mom's shoes. It's hard enough to watch just being her sister.
It's made me think about a lot of things about being a mother. Especially since today at our Midwife appointment I was asked if we wanted to test for cystic fibrosis, down syndrome and a bunch of other things. I don't remember ever feeling scared about Klaeyton but today I could feel that anxious drop in my stomach and the worry that fell over me was overwhelming. I had to stop and Thank God for all the blessings I have and remember that I trust Him.
And then we heard that tiny heat beat that sounds like a washing machine and I thought about the new baby and I thought about my Klaeyton and how your love for a child is truly indescribable.
Oh the joy of being an ordinary mom.